I was in a conversation with an older woman I've known my whole life, let's call her "Diana" for anonymity's sake, about a friend of mine who was a single divorced mom (I'll refer to her as Marsha) whose ex-husband is now re-married. The divorce occurred in the first place due to the ex-husband's infidelity. As my conversation with Diana progressed, she began to say Marsha didn't take care of herself or she somehow didn't fulfill her ex-husband's needs. Diana even asked, "Is the new wife pretty?" Rather than jump on Diana and get angry at her blatant and offensive judgement of a fellow female and friend, I kept in mind the old-school backwards thinking that many women grew up with. "Keeping a man" meant making sure you pampered him, and above all else made sure you remained beautiful so he "wouldn't look elsewhere". I couldn't help myself and responded to Diana by telling her that it doesn't matter if the new wife is pretty or even what Marsha did or didn't do. Marriages are hard enough as it is. If there are issues, then the two members of that marriage have to work together to communicate and fix issues. If the husband or wife strays from the marriage that is a blatant choice on the individual's part. Staying faithful is a choice. Period.
I can only imagine the toll a woman's self esteem takes when they have been cheated on. Maybe if I put on more make-up, gave him more sex, cooked him better meals....it could go on and on. But a man who is faithful and true doesn't need all of those things to stay the course with a woman he loves. Let me say it again, staying faithful is a choice. When I married my husband, I made a commitment to love and cherish him above all else. Does that mean there aren't days we get on each other nerves? Seriously? Absolutely not. Even the best marriages have their challenging moments. I remember telling my husband early on in our marriage that if he ever decided to cheat, he needs to make sure that that's what he really wants because there's no going back from that action. I had two deal breakers: physical violence and cheating. Everything else was forgiveable and workable. As far as I know, he's stayed true and faithful to me for 17 years...not because I did anything special and treated him with anything more than love and respect, but because he is a man with integrity who decides every day to stay faithful to the marriage. He chooses it every day, as do I.
I'm not a relationship expert. All I have is a long-term, committed relationship with my husband that requires constant communication and laughs. Lots of laughs. We made sure we became a team when we got married and stayed a team through life's struggles and challenges. Without a doubt, he has my back! And I hope he knows I have his.
The only thing that keeps a man....is him deciding to be kept. Period. So find that man. Work on being an amazing person (whatever that is for you) and find a partner who is amazing also. And if you're a man reading this looking for your faithful partner, the same rules go. The only thing that keeps a woman...is her deciding to be kept. Choose wisely. XO
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Here's a "parent joke" that some might be able to relate to. (As the mother of older kids, don't worry, it gets better. When their teenagers, they have very little desire to cuddle with you let alone sleep in the same bed.) LOL!!
