I've had a tricky relationship with this powerful force called feelings. For a variety of reasons that most likely boil down to protecting myself from appearing vulnerable, I've often suppressed or downplayed negative emotions. Feeling sad was often covered up with smiles and anger was ignored. Over the years, I've built a functioning comfort level with simply suppressing certain unpleasant emotions to either avoid making others uneasy or to avoid bringing unwanted attention to myself. I'm generally a happy person and I feel blessed in my life but that's been a hard-fought personal journey that would have been easier and simpler had I been conscious about the importance of not suppressing emotion.
As a wife, I've been forced to confront feelings and learn to positively express emotions in order to have good communication with The Huz. We're constantly working on our relationship, even after 20 years, and one of the ways to continue to have a healthy marriage is to have open communication. I can honestly say that this is still an ongoing journey for us because some of our disagreements have been through misunderstandings and lack of fully sharing what and how we feel--or sometimes dismissing how the other person feels. When this happens, we course correct, thankfully, over the years. Having a husband I feel I can express my sincerest emotion to at any given time is something I cherish and one of the reasons I think we work well together. We don't always see the same things the same way all of the time, and we have arguments, but at the end of the day, I want to feel safe to be the most authentic me I can be. And that's through expressing how I really feel. I'm still not great at feelings and emotions with friends, but with The Huz, I'm all in--and, for me, it has to be this way or our marriage could not have worked for as long as it has. For all the singles out there who are looking for a partner, search for true love, compatibility and this openness in your partner. Life gets hard, and these factors contribute to whether or not you can make it through these ups and downs--together.
As a Mom (and as someone who knows how much suppressing negative emotions has adversely impacted me), one of my main goals is to make sure my sons have an outlet for their emotions. I've made it a point to make sure that I always validate how they're feeling--in all the stages of their life--even when they were toddlers. It's ok to be upset. It's ok to feel disappointed. It's ok to feel hurt. You don't win every contest, or get the part in every audition...the list goes on & on such as life. I encourage both boys to feel whatever they feel. It's ok. Then dust yourselves off, and keep moving. Keep trying--all with knowing that disappointment may again be just around the corner. Feel that emotion too.
Don't try to numb your feelings with drugs and/or alcohol. Allow yourself to feel. That probably sounds like desperate "Mom advice" trying to discourage kids not to go down that proverbial path, but honestly that comes from a sincere place in my heart. Before trying to find ways to avoid what you're feeling, how about just don't avoid it. We've had some instances in our sons young lives where we've put these (allow-yourself-to-feel-it) philosophies into practice. I've seen both boys experience hurt & I've held them up and supported them. Time is the ultimate healer. And after a while, what felt like the biggest heartache (at any age, because their feelings are never inconsequential) is just a memory (and if one is lucky, a powerful learning and strengthening experience).
Sincerely wishing everyone love, peace and kindness. 💓☮🤗
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