A Different Christmas RomCom: Handle With Care: A Holiday Story

I absolutely LOVE cheesy romcoms, but I especially love them during the Christmas holidays.  That's why I look forward to those, let's face it, sometimes awful Hallmark Christmas movies that are too predictable and often lacking in chemistry and well....diversity. But make no mistake, I still watch them with abandon and look forward to them every year.  And each year, I'm seeing small steps toward more diversity and color in the casting and although it's not where I think it should be in representing the stories of America (by far), I appreciate the painstaking baby steps that I see. And with each year, I hope we see more and more until it becomes a non-issue.  I strive to be an optimist. 😉

So, when I saw this super cute short put out by Wong Fu Productions on Youtube, I was thrilled to watch it especially since it hits all the feels with an unexpected twist.  It's actually from last year and I regret being late to the party but I celebrate it nonetheless and share it with whoever is interested in watching. And I hope that you take the time to. It's less than 25 minutes and as I said, it's super cute. 

I hope Hallmark, Netflix and Lifetime work on more Asian casted films because I for one, would love to watch them! Representation always matters. Sending light & love to you all! XOXO

Books Remain Even When...

 **These books are for adults only & carries a warning on explicit material.**

These sets of books are from The Steel Brothers Three series written by Helen Hardt.  It's a trilogy of books with the titles:

• Craving
• Obsession
• Possession

This trilogy revolves around the ever complicated, super passionate relationship journey of Jade Roberts and Talon Steel.  Their story was a page-turner for me.  I wanted to know what happens next and what happened before (that makes sense once you start reading).  I felt outrage, disgust, empathy and sympathy--all the emotions you want to feel when reading a great story arc. I don't want to give anything away, so I'm just going to say, read it! 

In other words, there's more where that come from, so keep reading!

Beside the water, next to a tree, on the porch, wherever.  You'll find me reading.

Read books randomly recommended to you.

 

Allow Yourself to Feel Your Feelings

I've had a tricky relationship with this powerful force called feelings. For a variety of reasons that most likely boil down to protecting myself from appearing vulnerable, I've often suppressed or downplayed negative emotions. Feeling sad was often covered up with smiles and anger was ignored. Over the years, I've built a functioning comfort level with simply suppressing certain unpleasant emotions to either avoid making others uneasy or to avoid bringing unwanted attention to myself. I'm generally a happy person and I feel blessed in my life but that's been a hard-fought personal journey that would have been easier and simpler had I been conscious about the importance of not suppressing emotion.

As a wife, I've been forced to confront feelings and learn to positively express emotions in order to have good communication with The Huz. We're constantly working on our relationship, even after 20 years, and one of the ways to continue to have a healthy marriage is to have open communication. I can honestly say that this is still an ongoing journey for us because some of our disagreements have been through misunderstandings and lack of fully sharing what and how we feel--or sometimes dismissing how the other person feels. When this happens, we course correct, thankfully, over the years.  Having a husband I feel I can express my sincerest emotion to at any given time is something I cherish and one of the reasons I think we work well together.  We don't always see the same things the same way all of the time, and we have arguments, but at the end of the day, I want to feel safe to be the most authentic me I can be.  And that's through expressing how I really feel. I'm still not great at feelings and emotions with friends, but with The Huz, I'm all in--and, for me,  it has to be this way or our marriage could not have worked for as long as it has. For all the singles out there who are looking for a partner, search for true love, compatibility and this openness in your partner. Life gets hard, and these factors contribute to whether or not you can make it through these ups and downs--together.

As a Mom (and as someone who knows how much suppressing negative emotions has adversely impacted me), one of my main goals is to make sure my sons have an outlet for their emotions. I've made it a point to make sure that I always validate how they're feeling--in all the stages of their life--even when they were toddlers.  It's ok to be upset.  It's ok to feel disappointed.  It's ok to feel hurt.  You don't win every contest, or get the part in every audition...the list goes on & on such as life.  I encourage both boys to feel whatever they feel.  It's ok.  Then dust yourselves off, and keep moving. Keep trying--all with knowing that disappointment may again be just around the corner.  Feel that emotion too.  

Don't try to numb your feelings with drugs and/or alcohol.  Allow yourself to feel.  That probably sounds like desperate "Mom advice" trying to discourage kids not to go down that proverbial path, but honestly that comes from a sincere place in my heart.  Before trying to find ways to avoid what you're feeling, how about just don't avoid it.  We've had some instances in our sons young lives where we've put these (allow-yourself-to-feel-it) philosophies into practice.  I've seen both boys experience hurt & I've held them up and supported them. Time is the ultimate healer.  And after a while, what felt like the biggest heartache (at any age, because their feelings are never inconsequential) is just a memory (and if one is lucky, a powerful learning and strengthening experience). 

Sincerely wishing everyone love, peace and kindness. 💓☮🤗

   

Boys Playing With Dog: A Sweet Memory

The other day while visiting my Mom, she fondly brought up this piece of footage chuckling while she lovingly looked at her two teenage "apos" (grandchildren) who are both taller & bigger than her now (they're bigger than me too). I told her I would find it and send her the link.  Of course, once I found it, I had to re-watch it several times. 

My teenagers don't giggle and generally react to things in that way anymore.  But they're still there.  My First-born will still comment about things and think he's super funny doing it.  And my Youngest is still compassionate & sweet underneath all that teenage brooding. My boys. 💙💛

So thankful for them and always praying for their health & well being. 

Us mothers never stop being mothers.  We have to adjust our parenting and let go (a lot) as they grow older, but we're always around when they need us. Sending light & love to all my fellow Moms doing the best they can for their kids.  Remember, not all Moms follow the same path. As long as you're doing the best you can & making choices that you feel are right for yourself & your kids, don't worry about your critics. This Mom supports you as a Mom. 🤗 And also remember, be conscious about being "a critic" yourself. Don't judge other Moms. 

Lastly, savor the moments. Take pictures, record footage. Pay attention. There are moments that feel endless, but trust me, time never stands still. 

Home Is The People You Invite In Your Life Journey

There are travel bloggers on Youtube that have dreamily made their full time jobs about traveling all over the world and sharing their experiences with a captive audience in large numbers (and they need to be pretty big in order to make any sort of money). It's almost unreal to think that people can just live off their suitcase (and maybe an additional backpack) and literally sleep in one country one night and be sightseeing in another the next night. Some people actually judge these people and tell them "get a real job", but I think they are very lucky to have found an amazing way to live out their dreams and get paid for it. I have zero hate for it.  Good on them! 

But their lifestyle, as extreme as it may seem to some, illustrates that the concept of "home" is not always a concrete place with walls and a roof. For some, "home" is literally the world--every place on the planet they can travel and explore--and the many personalities they are bound to encounter on their journey.  

When I step away from the concept of "home" being just a place of dwelling, my mind goes straight to The Huz and my Sons who hold my heart. I'm thankful everyday at the family bond we have even as our kids mature and seek out their independence. No matter where (and to whom) their lives lead them, they know they have a "home" with their Dad & I.  Because "home" is a feeling of comfort, of safety, of peace.  

Comfort, safety and peace is different for everyone. Some find that within themselves (shout-out to all the happy introverts out there) and some find these bonds with pets (it's family!). Don't worry about society's norms or expectations--because that "home" feeling is as individual as one's fingerprints.  No matter what it looks like, the best part is just having it. So if you're blessed enough to have found whatever version of "home" you have, savor it without the weight of others' expectations and judgements. For those still seeking the feeling of "home", I wish you the best of luck. For those who have it, never stop being thankful. XOXO 😘

 

 

Everyone is Essential

When the pandemic started to close down offices and businesses, there was understandably some anxiety and chaos all around. People that work in the office setting had to adjust and find ways to effectively get work done from home. Thankfully, modern technology has made many things possible and online meetings became a part of daily life. Those that could transition to work-at-home were able to retain their jobs. But others, unfortunately, just simply had to shut down & companies began to lay off workers.

Then, as humans do, it became a matter of labeling people--those in "nonessential" jobs (hairdressers, retail workers, artists etc) & those that are "essential" (medical frontliners, first-responders, grocery store workers, delivery people, etc).  I understand this labeling was simply to differentiate those that could still do their jobs and those that had to cease all together. 

But I noticed that it became a sort-of status symbol.  I started to hear (or see) people say things like, "I'm essential" with a kind of bravado that could possibly be interpreted as someone being more important than another. Even people I know & generally respected loved using the term "essential" and said it as often as possible when asked, "How are you doing during this pandemic?"  I'm sure for most, it's a harmless word, just information about whether or not someone still has a job during these crazy times.  But I started to see the word differently when I saw a tweet from an actor saying something (not exact words) to the effect of, "I just act, I'm nothing during these times."  I realized that this thought was so far from the truth. The jobs that are deemed "nonessential" are certainly not that.  They are just as important. I, for one, love artists & entertainers from various genres and wouldn't know what I would do if I didn't have their creativity to get me through some tough times.  To me, they are most certainly essential!  In fact, I'm that person that is concerned about diminished entertainment content fall-out (that's a mouthful) caused by the Pandemic. So, for me, entertainers of any & all varieties are essential.

So, what do I prefer to use instead of "essential", since I believe everyone is? I like to use "frontliners".  I feel like that covers occupations that are exempt from shut-downs. They are the ones making sure that we have medical care, the ones that make sure we still have access to food & supplies, etc.  They are at the highest risk of exposure to the virus causing the pandemic and deserve all the accolades and all the gratitude I hope they are receiving.  Because, personally, I'm truly grateful to all the frontliners!!!  Again, thank you! Thank you! It can't be said enough & I don't mind saying it again. Thank you!

But also thank you to all the hairdressers, nail technicians, make-up artists, entertainment figures, performers, artists and other occupations I fail to mention that enhance life. Because of the pandemic it is more clear than ever that your absence is glaring & your  contribution to the world is important---essential.  You are essential! 

Remember that the only thing constant is change.  Things will get better and hopefully, because of the things that we have missed, we will have a better outlook on what's important in life.  Wishing everyone safety, peace, & love. 💙

Click to purchase some wonderful sustainable products!

Respect Workers--It is NOT Their Fault

One day I went into a "rabbit hole" of "Karen videos" on Instagram.  I don't know what was in me at the time to just watch video after video of people behaving atrociously towards other people. 

One video featured a black food delivery driver who was buzzed-in to a complex by the person ordering the food.  A lady who was coming into the building at the same time claimed she never saw him before & refused to let him in.  He calmly explained he was delivering food & needed to take it up to the person who ordered it.  She continually blocked him--getting close to him without a mask--with him repeatedly requesting her to please back off.  He finally called into the intercom again to explain to the other resident that he couldn't get into the building because of this woman and if she could come down to retrieve her food. The lady on the intercom seemed confused--like why don't you just bring it up to me?  What's wrong? Even after hearing this exchange, the "Karen" still refused to let the food delivery driver inside.  It was a very frustrating exchange & I commend the delivery person for holding it together & not losing his cool. I'm not sure if her actions were racially motivated or if she's just a jerk, but either way, she did not shine a bright light on her personal character.

Another video was at a coffee shop with a take-out window.  At the window, there is sign proudly declaring "Black Lives Matter".  A "Ken" decided to stage a one-man protest because he felt that the sign was offensive.  He blocked the window, refused to move & proceeded to harass the worker to take down the sign.  The worker eloquently expressed continued support for the movement, refused to take down the sign & asked him to please move so she could serve the next customer.  He continued to verbally state his opposition & refused to move until she took down the sign.  Customers behind him started talking to him, trying to reason with him to please step aside. They just wanted their coffee. He disrupted this business for at least 10 minutes until the worker decided to close down.  Again, another frustrating video of bad behavior with a person on the receiving end keeping their cool more than reasonably expected. 

There are a lot of videos out there that contain these types of similar behaviors (seems as though everyone has seen that lady at Trader Joes yelling & throwing a tantrum because she didn't want to wear a mask)--more frustrating than the next. Then there's the story of a 17-year-old (the same age as my First-Born) amusement park worker who told a couple to put on their facemasks. The man refused to comply and then proceeded to punch the worker in the face causing his jaw to break & require him to undergo surgery.  I don't think this behavior needs further analysis other than to say it is abhorrent behavior. Disgusting. Atrocious behavior. But it happens.  And it happens more than it should. 

According to scientific studies (and yes, science does adapt & change depending on information uncovered along the way), putting on a face mask reduces the risk of virus transmission. So, in response to this information, many have adapted policies that require using one in public settings. Wear one. And if you just don't want to, know that you will not be allowed in certain places. Order online or ask someone else to do your errands for you.  But to go to a business & harass workers who are doing their job is bad behavior. Seriously. Just stop that. 

Oh, and also, stop being racist. That makes you a sucky person too.