If You're Made Aware It's Offensive, Stop It

I'm kind of a sensitive person. I say "kind of" because over the years, I've readjusted my reactions to many things and I don't necessarily let things get to me as much as they used to. The many life advice/self-help articles I often read and quick inspiration memes on my Social Media feeds (yes, I love those! LOL)  also have encouraged me to a stronger realization that reactions are a choice. I can choose to let something severely offend and negatively affect me, or I can take it in stride and move forward. 

With all that maturity and growth being said, I still feel hurt emotions when something hits me the wrong way or I feel malicious intent from someone's words or actions. And these feelings are all valid and make me the whole human being that I am. So, even as I try to control what range of emotions negatively affect me, I also feel that empathy toward other people's feelings round out the type of person I'm ultimately and continuously working towards.

The other day, I had a conversation with someone about cultural appropriation. Personally, I've had a hard time truly grasping this concept because it's something that I don't fully relate with as an offensive concept. My experience comes from being an immigrant Filipino American and I don't have the personal history of being directly oppressed in the way other cultures have.  So for me, I'm delighted when someone from a different ethnic background cook or eat our cultural food, or dance our native dances (even I can't do those dances justice) and I'd be tickled with pleasure to see someone who is not Filipino sport our traditional Barong Tagalog. 

But I've been informed that not all appropriation is welcome. For instance, Native Americans have expressed offense at their native clothing and dances being used as costumes. It is their culture. They live it and do not want it portrayed in that way. So, if you have that "costume" in your closet, maybe it's time to throw that out. You've been "schooled".  Or you can continue to wear it, but know that it is offensive.  Make your choice. 

We are accountable for our behavior.  How we treat people is a reflection of who we are. Make an effort not to offend. It's the decent thing to do. 

 As usual, sending light & love out to the universe! XOXO😘

 

Asian American Model Minority & Media Representation

My boys completed an Asian American Ethnic Studies class this semester through a collaboration between Long Beach Unified School District and California State University Long Beach. The class gives them college credit so I was thrilled that they decided to take the class in addition to their already full academic schedule. Every week they were given relevant topics to read then write a reflection on.  They often shared what the topics were throughout the weeks with the Huz & I and some weeks spawned some interesting discussions within our family.  For their midterms, they created individual "Tiktok" type presentations that touched upon racial stereotypes within the culture.  They were able to share it with their teacher and fellow classmates as well as view others' works as well.  From my observation, the students were so supportive of one another and it was heartwarming to see.  

For their final, they wrote a 4-6 page paper on a chosen topic that was covered within the class. I loved what each of my sons did so I just wanted to share a part of it--the "zine" part of their project.

Here is the First-born's zine collage.

The First-born did his paper on Asian representation in media.  He's pretty passionate about this topic and enjoyed the research and material. He even needed to shorten his paper because he felt like he had too much information in it--always a good problem to have when completing a written project. In summary he concluded that Asian Americans have contributed some amazing work in media but their representation is often (still) lacking. But the hope is that there is a movement toward change and we will see more Asian representation in the present and future. 

A poem in zine

 

 

 

The Youngest did his paper on the Model Minority myth which, in its full entirety is quite a tragedy.  Asian Americans are stereotyped and are expected to be able to handle all facets of life so asking for help and appearing vulnerable is not a choice they would make. To be clear, Asians are not all academically gifted or "good at Math". They are like any other group of people, flawed, happy, sad, artistic--all of the above & more! For his "zine" portion, he created, what I feel, is a moving poem on the topic. His teacher was in full appreciation mode and called his work "a gift". I can't help but agree.

Here is the poem in text form: 

 

Reverberations of Model Minority

Model minority is a myth from the media
affecting Asians from the business world to academia.
It contributes to the racialization of our culture
constantly hovering over us like a dead body to a vulture.

It emphasizes success, hard work , and family due to genetics
which seemed to be better than being a yellow menace.
However although seemingly good on paper
all it did was act like an eraser.

For Asians are diverse with many cultures and differences
each with their own uniqueness and experiences.
But the model minority does not acknowledge that
portraying us all under one same hat.

Not even Asian youth are free from this thought
regardless of whether they fit or not.
For withholding the stereotype inflicts a lot of pressure
which can stem from family, friends, and even professors.

Ridiculed for failing like a normal human being
which can have an effect on their mental well-being
And because asking for help breaks the stereotype of perfection
some students may stay quiet for fear of rejection.

But their quietness does not solve their problem
and some commit actions that can be quite solemn.
One’s mental health is important for a person
and the model minority only leads for these issues to worsen.

Although it seems dire there is still hope
and one day we may not have to walk on a tight-rope.
For awareness to this subject can bring reprieve
and that is something that I hope to achieve.

 

I'm always super proud of these boys of mine.  They have adapted to whatever changes and curveballs have come their way and as I always tell them, at the end of the day, that's what life is about--being able to handle whatever comes your way. It's not always going to be an easy road--more often than not, it's a bumpy and curvy one.  So, adjust, adapt and move forward.  And if you stumble or fall flat on your @$$, find a way to get back up and walk on. 

Sending light & love out into the universe...stay safe, stay positive. XOXO 

 

A Different Christmas RomCom: Handle With Care: A Holiday Story

I absolutely LOVE cheesy romcoms, but I especially love them during the Christmas holidays.  That's why I look forward to those, let's face it, sometimes awful Hallmark Christmas movies that are too predictable and often lacking in chemistry and well....diversity. But make no mistake, I still watch them with abandon and look forward to them every year.  And each year, I'm seeing small steps toward more diversity and color in the casting and although it's not where I think it should be in representing the stories of America (by far), I appreciate the painstaking baby steps that I see. And with each year, I hope we see more and more until it becomes a non-issue.  I strive to be an optimist. 😉

So, when I saw this super cute short put out by Wong Fu Productions on Youtube, I was thrilled to watch it especially since it hits all the feels with an unexpected twist.  It's actually from last year and I regret being late to the party but I celebrate it nonetheless and share it with whoever is interested in watching. And I hope that you take the time to. It's less than 25 minutes and as I said, it's super cute. 

I hope Hallmark, Netflix and Lifetime work on more Asian casted films because I for one, would love to watch them! Representation always matters. Sending light & love to you all! XOXO

Books Remain Even When...

 **These books are for adults only & carries a warning on explicit material.**

These sets of books are from The Steel Brothers Three series written by Helen Hardt.  It's a trilogy of books with the titles:

• Craving
• Obsession
• Possession

This trilogy revolves around the ever complicated, super passionate relationship journey of Jade Roberts and Talon Steel.  Their story was a page-turner for me.  I wanted to know what happens next and what happened before (that makes sense once you start reading).  I felt outrage, disgust, empathy and sympathy--all the emotions you want to feel when reading a great story arc. I don't want to give anything away, so I'm just going to say, read it! 

In other words, there's more where that come from, so keep reading!

Beside the water, next to a tree, on the porch, wherever.  You'll find me reading.

Read books randomly recommended to you.

 

Allow Yourself to Feel Your Feelings

I've had a tricky relationship with this powerful force called feelings. For a variety of reasons that most likely boil down to protecting myself from appearing vulnerable, I've often suppressed or downplayed negative emotions. Feeling sad was often covered up with smiles and anger was ignored. Over the years, I've built a functioning comfort level with simply suppressing certain unpleasant emotions to either avoid making others uneasy or to avoid bringing unwanted attention to myself. I'm generally a happy person and I feel blessed in my life but that's been a hard-fought personal journey that would have been easier and simpler had I been conscious about the importance of not suppressing emotion.

As a wife, I've been forced to confront feelings and learn to positively express emotions in order to have good communication with The Huz. We're constantly working on our relationship, even after 20 years, and one of the ways to continue to have a healthy marriage is to have open communication. I can honestly say that this is still an ongoing journey for us because some of our disagreements have been through misunderstandings and lack of fully sharing what and how we feel--or sometimes dismissing how the other person feels. When this happens, we course correct, thankfully, over the years.  Having a husband I feel I can express my sincerest emotion to at any given time is something I cherish and one of the reasons I think we work well together.  We don't always see the same things the same way all of the time, and we have arguments, but at the end of the day, I want to feel safe to be the most authentic me I can be.  And that's through expressing how I really feel. I'm still not great at feelings and emotions with friends, but with The Huz, I'm all in--and, for me,  it has to be this way or our marriage could not have worked for as long as it has. For all the singles out there who are looking for a partner, search for true love, compatibility and this openness in your partner. Life gets hard, and these factors contribute to whether or not you can make it through these ups and downs--together.

As a Mom (and as someone who knows how much suppressing negative emotions has adversely impacted me), one of my main goals is to make sure my sons have an outlet for their emotions. I've made it a point to make sure that I always validate how they're feeling--in all the stages of their life--even when they were toddlers.  It's ok to be upset.  It's ok to feel disappointed.  It's ok to feel hurt.  You don't win every contest, or get the part in every audition...the list goes on & on such as life.  I encourage both boys to feel whatever they feel.  It's ok.  Then dust yourselves off, and keep moving. Keep trying--all with knowing that disappointment may again be just around the corner.  Feel that emotion too.  

Don't try to numb your feelings with drugs and/or alcohol.  Allow yourself to feel.  That probably sounds like desperate "Mom advice" trying to discourage kids not to go down that proverbial path, but honestly that comes from a sincere place in my heart.  Before trying to find ways to avoid what you're feeling, how about just don't avoid it.  We've had some instances in our sons young lives where we've put these (allow-yourself-to-feel-it) philosophies into practice.  I've seen both boys experience hurt & I've held them up and supported them. Time is the ultimate healer.  And after a while, what felt like the biggest heartache (at any age, because their feelings are never inconsequential) is just a memory (and if one is lucky, a powerful learning and strengthening experience). 

Sincerely wishing everyone love, peace and kindness. 💓☮🤗

   

Boys Playing With Dog: A Sweet Memory

The other day while visiting my Mom, she fondly brought up this piece of footage chuckling while she lovingly looked at her two teenage "apos" (grandchildren) who are both taller & bigger than her now (they're bigger than me too). I told her I would find it and send her the link.  Of course, once I found it, I had to re-watch it several times. 

My teenagers don't giggle and generally react to things in that way anymore.  But they're still there.  My First-born will still comment about things and think he's super funny doing it.  And my Youngest is still compassionate & sweet underneath all that teenage brooding. My boys. 💙💛

So thankful for them and always praying for their health & well being. 

Us mothers never stop being mothers.  We have to adjust our parenting and let go (a lot) as they grow older, but we're always around when they need us. Sending light & love to all my fellow Moms doing the best they can for their kids.  Remember, not all Moms follow the same path. As long as you're doing the best you can & making choices that you feel are right for yourself & your kids, don't worry about your critics. This Mom supports you as a Mom. 🤗 And also remember, be conscious about being "a critic" yourself. Don't judge other Moms. 

Lastly, savor the moments. Take pictures, record footage. Pay attention. There are moments that feel endless, but trust me, time never stands still. 

Home Is The People You Invite In Your Life Journey

There are travel bloggers on Youtube that have dreamily made their full time jobs about traveling all over the world and sharing their experiences with a captive audience in large numbers (and they need to be pretty big in order to make any sort of money). It's almost unreal to think that people can just live off their suitcase (and maybe an additional backpack) and literally sleep in one country one night and be sightseeing in another the next night. Some people actually judge these people and tell them "get a real job", but I think they are very lucky to have found an amazing way to live out their dreams and get paid for it. I have zero hate for it.  Good on them! 

But their lifestyle, as extreme as it may seem to some, illustrates that the concept of "home" is not always a concrete place with walls and a roof. For some, "home" is literally the world--every place on the planet they can travel and explore--and the many personalities they are bound to encounter on their journey.  

When I step away from the concept of "home" being just a place of dwelling, my mind goes straight to The Huz and my Sons who hold my heart. I'm thankful everyday at the family bond we have even as our kids mature and seek out their independence. No matter where (and to whom) their lives lead them, they know they have a "home" with their Dad & I.  Because "home" is a feeling of comfort, of safety, of peace.  

Comfort, safety and peace is different for everyone. Some find that within themselves (shout-out to all the happy introverts out there) and some find these bonds with pets (it's family!). Don't worry about society's norms or expectations--because that "home" feeling is as individual as one's fingerprints.  No matter what it looks like, the best part is just having it. So if you're blessed enough to have found whatever version of "home" you have, savor it without the weight of others' expectations and judgements. For those still seeking the feeling of "home", I wish you the best of luck. For those who have it, never stop being thankful. XOXO 😘