Sifting Through the Ashes

We were woken from a fairly deep sleep on a Friday morning with our blaring house alarm. It's happened before so that wasn't what made this particular morning different from all the others. The Huz screamed, "Oh no, the shed is on fire!" and I startled up with surprise and fear. I woke our boys and told them quickly what was happening & they got up as well.  It happened so quickly.  It spread throughout our stand-alone shed in the backyard & engulfed it almost immediately. It spread to our backyard tree and was dangerously close to our house. I called 9-1-1 and begged them to hurry up.  Meanwhile, The Huz was desperately trying to wet down our roof so that the fire wouldn't destroy our house and the boys were either trying to help put out the fire or gathering precious belongings.

As the fire seemed to get bigger and bigger, I felt myself feeling more & more afraid and in the midst of that fear I hysterically called 9-1-1 again to beg for their help. Turns out the firefighters had already arrived and were about to do their thing and put out the raging fire. Through my tears I saw a big cloud of grey smoke as the fire was immediately doused and calm descended on our property.  It was a big blur, but I remember just staring at everything with my hand over my mouth. 

My family and I huddled together in the front while the firefighters checked all throughout the house to assess any damages.  I honestly just felt numb and super sad for my guys since it was their shed that just burned down and they had so many cherished possessions in there.  Yes, we were all safe and that is the most important thing.  But I wanted to allow them to grieve for their things.  Things they've collected from our travels, as well as memorabilia and toys they valued. They know that these things are just material things and the preservation of our life is of the most value, but I acknowledge the hurt they feel.  And I'm sad for them.

I think we were in still shock, but we immediately went into fix-it mode and headed to our nearby home improvement store to gather all the materials we would need to fix the fence that was part of the casualty of the fire. All four of us teamed up and worked for the whole day and completed the fence late into the night. 

We didn't give ourselves much time to really think about how these events have impacted us, instead focusing on how thankful we all were that our house wasn't part of the casualty of the day.

I think we'll be processing our feelings for quite some time. I have to closely monitor The Huz who tends to lovingly take on so much responsibility for us. He blames himself for not putting out the fire and saving all their stuff--easily dismissing that if it wasn't for his tenacity, our house may have gotten caught up in the fire. I, for one, will always be grateful for him and although he'll never see himself as the hero I see him, I'll at least try to make him accept the fact that he's not responsible for the material things that were lost. 

On a side note, one of the hero firefighters recognized me from Middle School (I guess I didn't age too unrecognizability. LOL!) and it was nice to catch up with him and allow me to sincerely express my gratitude to him & his colleagues.

We're still hurting and probably will continue to process our feelings in future times to come.  It'll be a journey.  

Wishing everyone light & love as usual...and make sure you appreciate the wonderful things & people in your life! XOXO

    

Within The Walls of Your Own Home

As I'm in the midst of parenting teenagers/young adults, I find myself reflecting more and more on the importance of motherhood and all the challenges, triumphs, joys and fulfillment that comes with it.  

As a child, I leaned toward being more obedient and hardly ever got in trouble in school.  The Huz, however, was more mischievous and leaned toward resisting authority.  He's got a lot of funny shenanigan stories, but I'm sure at the time it wasn't very amusing to the adults that had to deal with his behavior. When we had our own kids, I always thought that their personalities and behaviors could easily go either way.
 

My First-born was always very energetic. So as a toddler, we made sure he was always busy--playing, running around--so his energies would have a place to go.  When it became time for him to go to Kindergarten, I worried that he would have a hard time sitting still & paying attention. Fortunately, he adjusted pretty well (although he still needs outlets for his energy) and I don't have any stand-out memories of having to deal with behavior problems (at least on his end) in school. 

My Youngest was a much calmer baby, but super alert, sensitive and emotional. Through a recommendation from a friend, I was able to find and enroll him in a great Pre-school program sponsored by something similar to a HeadStart (or it might've been one, I can't remember).  One day when I picked him up, I was approached by the teacher and told they had a hard day because the Youngest refused to write his name again & again (a practice exercise) because he said, "I already know how to write my name. I don't need to do that". I remember closing my eyes and thinking, here we go...I'll be that parent that gets called to meetings in the Principal's Office. (Yes, I'm a big worry-wart).  So, we got in the car and I spoke calmly to my then four-year-old and I told him I know what happened today and that he needs to follow directions and do whatever assignment the teacher tells him to do.  He said the same thing to me, "but I already know how to write my name."  I told him that I know that, and he knows that, but in school, you have to keep practicing, keep learning and following directions. I also told him that he will have a hard time if he keeps arguing with his teachers.  School is largely about following rules.  I never yelled at him.  I didn't even scold him. I just talked to him on his level and explained what is expected of him in school.  Then when I dropped him off the next day, I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best.  When I picked him up, I wasn't sure what to expect. When I spoke to the teacher, I held my breathe to see what report I would be receiving and she proceeds to tell me, "I don't know what you did, but he didn't argue with me today.  Just did his work."   Wow.  What a relief.  And it's been that way ever since with him--just explain things and he pretty much gets it. 

Over the years, I'm not going to sugar coat it and say that it's been complete smooth sailing.  Raising kids is never that easy.  They will talk back.  They will be moody. They will challenge you.  Have I had my fair share of yelling and repeating things...yes & yes!! I mean, I still do. I've also attributed many of my grey hairs to this tough job called parenting. The teenage years are not a joke (and mine are relatively mild mannered, and still...).  Parenting never stops.  The worry continues.  The process is on-going.

But my boys are kind. I love being able to say that and really mean it.  They are both accomplished kids with many achievements under their belts and God-willing, more goals to set and complete.  And I pray for them and I cheer them on...silently and loudly--whichever is most appropriate at any given time (LOL).  They are growing up and they are having to figure things out on their own--making life choices and accepting the rewards and/or consequences of those choices.  But their hearts are kind. They are humble. They have empathy and compassion for others.  

The Huz and I are proud parents. 

As always, wishing everyone light & love! XOXO 😘

Pretty Ugly Beautiful Person -- A Poem Appreciation

A big shout out to the poet Abdullah Shoaib for creating such an impactful poem illustrating the instability of body image.  When I read the poem from top to bottom, I feel such an empathy of sadness for anyone who may feel this way about themselves--even if it's feeling this way in moments of time which people do occasionally.  But reading it from the bottom up fills me with hope.  Because feeling bad about yourself can and should be a temporary moment in time. A moment when you can turn around and decide that you are beautiful and worthy of being loved.  

I love this kind of artistry--a poignant piece that effectively illustrates the highs and lows of one's self esteem. 

Remember, "there is beauty inside...that matters" and you are a "very beautiful person".  

Wishing everyone light & love! XOXO 😘