My Pledge as a Woman and as a Mother

In light of an extremely volatile Presidential election that concluded unfavorably in alignment to my beliefs and ideologies, I must continue to march forward and contribute to my country and my world as best I know how--that is to continue to spread messages I believe are right and true to my morals.  And I will continue to raise my boys to be the men who act & believe in ideals I can be proud of. With that being said:

I pledge to:

• Not excuse "locker room talk". C'mon guys, we can do better. Let's be respectful of women in public and private.
• Not excuse "boys being boys"....unless that means respectful boys. 
• Not excuse ignorant entitlement.
• Not excuse behavior because it "happens everywhere".
• Not excuse behavior because it's "worse elsewhere".
• Not excuse the abuse and degradation of women.
• Not.
• Ever.

I'm saddened by this "rape culture".  I encourage everyone to start thinking about what they can do to change it,  including the perceptions that many people have about women and rape.  It doesn't matter what a woman is wearing, what her job title is, or what her socio-economic background is. Women have the right to control their own bodies--to say "no" to any sexual advances and be heard and respected. If you are a misogynist and don't agree with me, there's nothing I can do to change your mind and frankly I will not even waste my time worrying about it.  But men and women who agree with me, speak out for the rights of women.  If you're a Mom who agrees with me, raise your children to respect women and reject the "rape culture". If you're a Dad who agrees with me, you have such an enormous power to influence your sons and empower your daughters to change the "rape culture".  Together, the power and goodness of humanity can change all the self-hate and gender bias that I believe is unfortunately alive and healthy in our culture today. Together we can reverse this appalling "rape culture" and instead live in a world where men and women are equal and respectful of one another.

In March of 2016, I wrote a post entitled  Raising My Boys in a Consent Culture that I'm sharing again. I'm proud and stand by the same message today & always.

Because I feel it's important to share, here are some pro-women organizations that need your support during these uncertain times:
Center for Reproductive Rights
Emily's List 
Naral Pro-Choice America
National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
National Organization for Women
National Women's Law Center
New York Alliance Against Sexual Assault
Planned Parenthood
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network
Reproductive Health Access Project
Running Start
She Should Run

Source: Jezebel

I don't specifically endorse any particular one of these organizations. I do, however, encourage anyone and everyone who feels disenfranchised by the  results of the current election to never give up on the power of your voice.  Continue to support those organizations and groups that you believe fight for YOU. Research their cause then volunteer, send donations, spread awareness etc. etc.  Keep up the fight for civil rights and gender equality.  The opposite side may never give up their position, so we must not also.  

Post Election Life Continues and Hope Endures

The election did not go the way that I had hoped. And I have to admit, it left me pretty shaken and continues to send me on occasional emotional lows. But as I always try to do, I choose to find the positive in everything. One of my favorite reactions was from Stephen Colbert.

 I'm thankful that I have an amazing husband & partner in life that I can discuss these major issues with.  Someone who can join me in weighing the pros and cons on issues and who can always be my second fact checker or a voice of reason when I'm about to jump off the irrational cliff.  And I'm grateful for intelligent and thought provoking children who are growing up to be remarkable free-thinkers, often asking the "why" question.  Because of my sons, I'm held accountable for the reasoning of my own beliefs. It's made me think much deeper about my own ideologies.

One of the biggest struggles I've had with this particular campaign is the notion that anyone who voted for Trump is a racist, misogynist, homophobic sexist.  I'm surrounded by Trump supporters in my life--relatives, friends, acquaintances.  If I held onto this reasoning, I would honestly have to write all these people out of my life and realistically speaking, that is just not an option.  I reached out to two of my most trusted and valued friends, whom I knew voted for Hillary, to ask for their insight on my struggle to reconcile these feelings of disappointment and confusion.  I shouldn't have been surprised to discover that both women were equally navigating their own struggles with people in their own lives. One advice I received was, "hold our heads high...and keep fighting for what we believe". The second advice was, "can't change any of it...refocus on my immediate family". I take both of these advice to heart.        

I didn't have to look very far to find the person who gave me thoughts and words of wisdom with the deepest solace. My husband.  He says that for most people (especially for our family members), religion was what led them to believe Trump is the better choice. Many voters are single-issue voters.  That issue alone is what makes them decide who they will support.  So for many voters, the abortion issue took center stage.

Saying that every Trump voter is a racist is just as false as saying that all liberal Democrats are "pro-abortion" or "baby killers", as I've heard countless times. As a liberal Democrat, I can assure you, these labels don't fit me.  Growing up in the Catholic School system and essentially being raised & influenced by Carmelite Sisters (nuns), Pro-Life was the most vocal stance in politics I ever really heard about.  Fast forward to 2016 & I'm now a Mom and an adult woman who can empathize with issues that women face. It's hard for me to state because of all the stigma it is associated with, but I am Pro-Choice.

I am not Pro-Abortion.  I am not a baby killer.  But I believe that a woman--whose body is being affected, whose life will undoubtedly change with the reality of pregnancy and motherhood--has the right to make the decisions and choices they see fit in their life. A defining incident in my life gave me this bold (because in my family & religious circle, this is bold) stance on this issue.

I was at a school function about five years ago chatting with a fellow Mom about the prospects of having more children.  Before motherhood, I wanted two children.  I have my two children--both planned--and my husband & were done with our baby-making phase.  We were and are now parents & we would be concentrating on the very tough job of raising our two sons.  A man comes up to me & says, "No. You are not allowed to decide you're done.  Only God does."  His statement shook me to the core.  I was extremely offended that this man, who doesn't even know me, had the nerve to tell me that my choice to not have anymore children was not mine to make. I reject that. If I followed every stance my religion takes, birth control is also unacceptable.  It's a sin and I may go to hell.  But I don't believe that and my husband & I use birth control (in whatever personal form we choose) with no guilt and no fear of going to hell. I do not believe it is a sin. I'm not a drone.  I don't have to believe every aspect of my religion.  And with this, I don't..

Do I believe abortion is wrong? Yes. Fundamentally, I do.  I could never have an abortion and the thought of any life being taken before it has a chance to thrive is heartbreaking to me.  But those are my beliefs.  I can not impose those on another woman who simply doesn't agree with me.  What she might see is a fetus...no personality, not sentient yet, etc...That is why we have a separation of Church and State.  My religious beliefs should not be imposed on someone else.

Everyone has the option to work towards educating women on other alternative choices besides abortion--usually adoption being the main alternative given to women.  But there are down sides to placing kids in a very flawed system that may result in a suffering child who will grow up to be a bitter adult, problems that society will eventually have to deal with. If you counsel a woman to keep her baby, you better be prepared to help that woman feed, clothe & nurture that child too.  Because parenthood is more than the moment of birth. As a very active Mom I can attest to that, & believe me, raising kids is not at all easy.

So, that's my stance on the abortion issue.  But I believe voting and electing a President should be more than a single issue.  I believe in taking a position on education, civil rights, equality, foreign policy and so much more. I believe that everyone who has the ability to vote has the obligation to research these areas of policy and make an educated and informed decision based on their morals and ideologies. In saying all that, I stand proud that I voted for Hillary Clinton.  I stand with all people of color, faiths, women, creeds...all who have felt oppressed in our society. I voted for who I thought would fight the hardest to uphold the best interests of my fellow citizens.

But at the same time, I choose not to harbor grudges or hate for those that simply don't see things the way I see things.  Hate is too much a burden to carry. I would rather believe and hope in the triumph of goodness.  And that is what I will hold onto moving forward.  As President Obama said on Election Night, "No matter what happens, the sun will rise in the morning". And guess what, it does!

Because laughing is often the best path to happiness.

Reading is to the Mind as Exercise is to the Body

When I feel stressed or overwhelmed, I find that reading an engaging book is just the right activity to help me relax and feel good.  Just find the right genre that speaks to you & it's like traveling without the expensive costs. Here are my current Contemporary Romance Novels recommendations:

Wilde Nights in Paradise by Tonya Burrows

Jude Wilde made a decision 8 years ago to give up the love of his life, Libby, for reasons he thought were best for her & the situation as a whole.  Now, she returns to his life, facing a stalker & possibly in mortal danger.  He has to bury his feelings of yearning & the truth in order to protect her.  And no one said it was going to be easy.  Libby, well, let’s just say, her attraction for Jude never stopped.  In fact, as much as she hated to admit it to herself, Jude is the reason she seemed to be ruined for all other relationships with men. Will these two learn the truth about each other & finally find a way to be together?  This story is the beginning of the “Entangled Ignite” series.

  

 

My First-Jason & Katie by Melanie Shawn

This story is a love triangle of sorts between Jason, Katie, & the deceased Nick. It’s story about  It’s a story about first love and true love--& finding both at such an early age it’s difficult to define it as such. And finally, it’s about facing the truth and going after what truly makes your heart happy.  Because when two souls make a connection, no amount of denial will tear them apart.  I rooted for Jason & Katie, you might too!

reputations—those perceived & those grounded in reality.

 

 

  The Wedding Trap by Adrienne Bell

Beth has an arrogant ex and a pushy mother to deal with. So what does she do? She makes up a boyfriend so they & everyone else will leave her be.  But then her best friend is getting married & everyone expects her to bring her boyfriend “Charlie” for everyone to meet. Well, that’s a problem.  Enter Alex Tanner.  He comes into Beth’s life under unusual circumstances. But will he stay for the right reasons? Read this amusing, cute, & funny story! 

Both the mind and the body need to be taken care of.

And the world needs empathy!

I wish!

If you read some of these selections, I hope you like them. But whatever you're reading, I hope it brings you joy. XO