Instantly Unattractive

Being happily married for 23 years and counting makes me see this question differently. I'm interpreting it as "What trait or characteristic instantly repels you from someone?" and for me, this isn't in a romantic sense but more in the desire to even want to further a conversation or wanting to get to know someone further as a friend or even as an acquaintance--because all types of interactions can potentially drain positive energy. 
 

One of the biggest trait that repels me is the "Know-It-all". This is the personality that exudes superiority over all topics, most especially topics that are the most polarizing and controversial. And sometimes they "know it all" even with situations they clearly haven't had experience with--like parenting, psychology (they know you better than you know yourself), personal lives of celebrities they've never met, etc... Usually this person is just blatant about stating their opinions and dominating conversation. They know it all. And they will let YOU know that you don't.  Or that you're wrong--often making it a point to cut down your intelligence in order to lift themselves up. It took me some time in life and adulthood to see this trait for what it is (and I've met many that fit this criteria--do I somehow attract these types??) and put it in its place on how I react it. To put it plainly, I don't.  Just smile and nod. 

The other trait that is highly unattractive to me (a very close runner-up) is the personality type that always has something judgemental to say about others--how they dress, what their hobbies are, what type of food they like to eat--like why do you have something hateful to say about everything?  It's obviously toxic and as I get older, I'm NOT about it at all. It's a no thank you, next, for me. 😏

Treat People Accordingly

When I saw this quote, it made me think of a client that The Huz has had to deal with for many months, is currently dealing with and will, frustratingly, continue to deal with for the foreseeable future. She was inherited from someone who appeared to have made many mistakes and it was The Huz' job to smooth things over and fix the shaky relationship between her and the company. 

As time progressed, The Huz started to realize that, yes there were business issues and mistakes made, but her aggressive and dare I say, petty, attitude did nothing to help any of the issues happening. She would start off interactions with, "I told YOU, I already went over this, or YOU messed up."  Mind you, the "you" was a generic term that often didn't pertain to The Huz since he never dealt with the issues she was attacking him with. When The Huz would politely ask for a background update or more information, she would angrily say she already went over it even though it wasn't with The Huz, but with a previous person handling her account. She seems to always be angry and confrontational...and never happy, never satisfied, even when problems were handled or there were no problems to speak of. She is a person idling on ready-to-attack. 

On a recent interaction with her, The Huz said something like, "Thanks for the heads up." And her response was a curt, "It's not a heads up, it's policy."  That one interaction (among a myriad) alone was a marker, an indicator of where this lady is willing (and able) to meet with The Huz on a civilized, cordial manner. With her, there is no room for niceties. She isn't willing to accept it and she certainly isn't willing to dispense it.   

Meeting after meeting of being subjected to her personality and dreading every correspondence, and frankly after many vent sessions where I simply listen and occasionally offer advice, he's come to the same thought process as of the above quote. Just treat her accordingly, not in a mean way, but in the most professional business-manner way he knows how. There is no need for pleasantries (she seems to be irritated by those anyway), but just pure business demeanor. I have confidence that The Huz, as professional as he's always been, knows how to act on this realization appropriately.  Ultimately, I hope this works for him, because that's all that concerns me--The Huz' mental health. 

It goes back to the notion that we can't control others' behavior, we can only control or regulate our reactions to them. This lady will continue to be who she is, interact with others as she does. And there are more out there similar to her interacting with all sorts of people, traumatizing people who probably need kindness and understanding in their lives. Unfortunately, that's just the reality of the matter, so if we can hold on to this quote to help us manage then all the better. I hope it helps someone, anyone it can.  

Don't treat people badly, treat them accordingly.  The words can be interpreted and manifested in a plethora of ways, but if you can make it work for you and still be appropriately positive and kind to yourself and others, make it happen.  😘                                    

How am I Aware?

Beautiful rose in our yard.

I saw a writing prompt simply asking, "How am I aware?" It's such a vague question and can literally be applied to any aspect of life. But it instigated a moment of reflection for me--because if I were honest, many times in my life feels foggy because I was either in a tired, stressed or anxious era. Full disclosure though, I tend to not have the best memory about details in general--although I remember random instances that I may or may not wish I didn't.

These last few years have seen many milestone changes for me including two high school graduations within 2 years, adjusting to being a dorm college Mom (with the Youngest soon to follow), and before, during and currently, in a constant journey towards self actualization of purging toxicity and leaning towards peace, joy and acceptance. It's kind of a lot and at the same less dramatic than it sounds. 

My First-Born graduated high school towards the end, but still in the midst of Covid and while I felt enormously proud of him, I also had to make room for feeling anxious not only for the overall health of my family but also the worries of sending him off to college, my baby--overprotected and sheltered.  Two years later, my Youngest has graduated high school and will be joining the First Born in college--I'm more awake, more alert to feel additional feelings and less unhinged with uncertainty. I'm extremely proud of them both and I hope that whatever I'm going through internally, they know in their hearts how much they mean to me and they, above all else are of the highest priority in my mind and heart. 

Within these past years, I've also been more keenly aware of toxicity in my life--people who don't contribute to my peace and who don't add to my own positive mental health. Whether it was a conscious, deliberate break, or a gradual cleansing of these relationships, I have a more curated assembly of people that bring me joy. It's important to note that many things are out of our control--like who comes in and out of your life and toxic family members that will always be around--even in a small way--but part of growing is being able to handle how much these interactions I allow to trigger me or how I choose to react to toxic behavior. The truth is, I'll probably be working on my internal peace forever because it's extremely difficult to not let toxicity bother you, but I'm counting on my continuing awareness to get me through these moments. 

So back to the original writing prompt: How am I aware?  I'm aware because I let my feelings flow through. I go through the negative feelings and more often than not, reach towards the positive. And I'm aware it's a cycle. You just gotta go through it to get through it, and let it all happen again. I can and do appreciate the wonderful things in my life. I'm thankful for my immediate family--The Huz & our two Sons--they are everything, they mean everything to me--and I feel the happiest when they are happy, at peace and doing well. It can be unhealthy because I worry about them--maybe too much--but I'm okay with it because I don't feel the need to change that--just find a way to deal with it and go through emotions in a healthier way. I'm thankful for my interests in romance books, writing and journaling, and consuming content entertaining to me. I love food--eating and cooking. I love the West Coast and where I live. I'm leaning into my love for amateur photography.📸  I love colors in art and in nature--like beautiful flowers (bright red roses for example) and majestic trees. All of these things and more... I want to be aware of it all. 👀

 

Read Books and Be Nice to Each Other

I've doubled down on the belief that if people found work, hobbies and/or interests that genuinely fulfilled them, they wouldn't have the need to focus on negativity and being unkind to others.🤷 The following books are stories I found interesting and recommend for those looking for something new to read. Enjoy, and be nice to each other. 💓

Wasted Words by Staci Hart: Cam has convinced herself that everyone, very much including herself, should always date within a prescribed “shelf” she has assigned.  Super handsome jocks should only date beautiful leggy girls, nerds should only dates geeks & so on & so on. She could never consider dating her best friend & roommate Tyler and doesn’t believe that he would ever be interested in her anyway.  Only, he just might be.  And even if they do make a go of a relationship, could she rise above her insecurities and believe that that two people that don’t belong on the same “shelf” could actually be together?  Loved this story. Felt frustrated at times (in the best storytelling way), but loved the whole story journey. 

 

 

1996 by Kirsty McManus (90’s Flashback Series): This is a multiple book series and I don’t know what to say about it without giving any spoilers. I think it’s enough to say that the story follows Anna through her adventures and let’s just say she finds an unconventional way to make sense of her life and make more renewed and informed choices. I really enjoyed this selection. I’m not sure I’d want to go through what Anna goes through, but it’s definitely intriguing. And boy, do I root for Anna’s happiness, but her journey is filled with all kind of emotional (and I guess physical) twists and turns. I feel like if I say anymore, I’m going to give it away, so find this book & read it.  It’s fun!   

 

 

 

Just Neighbors (Blue Beech) by Charity Ferrell: Chloe didn’t have it easy growing up. She had a neglectful, drug-addicted mother and a sister that didn’t fall too far from that tree. But she focused on her studies and made a goal to achieve in order to leave her circumstances. She had a massive crush on Kyle, but he broke her heart. She didn’t fair too well in other romances. But then Kyle comes back in her life and somehow finds a way to involve himself in her life & they find themselves entangled in a relationship of sorts. Kyle even gets along with her nephew and niece whom she practically raised. But just around the corner, secrets, revelations & circumstances are bound to come to light that will change the course of their lives. I actually cried at a certain part reading this book. It is amazingly written.  

 

Seems simple enough.

 

As an avid reader, there's always time for it.