A Tribute to my Mom's Mom

All of us grandkids refered to my grandmother on my Mom's side as "Yeye".  That name was born after the oldest grandchild, my cousin, couldn't vocally express the correct translation for grandmother, "Lola".  The name/nickname stuck & that became her name/title. My memories of Yeye are meager since I left the Philippines when I was 5 years old--a lifetime ago. What I do remember though, is of a woman who had a great love for her family. She used to make sure we were always clean & often gave me baths. I believe that she passed on those loving traits to my Mom who then passed it on to me.  I honor her with continuing to love & care for my family.

My mother is blessed enough, in the past few years, to have been able to make frequent trips back to the Philippines & stay for extended periods of time, making a second home there.  In those times, she was able to reconnect with Yeye & show her as much love & appreciation as she could.  Unfortunately, in the midst of these reunions, there were all kinds of family drama--push & pulls, expressions of greed, conflicts, etc that my Mom had to deal with & so often putting Yeye in the middle.  

They continued to bond over the years & even as Yeye's health was failing, my Mom was there making sure she was good--at least when my Mom was physically in the Philippines.  Many things happened, possible elderly neglect & what-not that I don't want to delve into mainly because I don't know the details & also because it's too painful to fathom.  But Yeye finally passed away, most likely from organ failure & old age on August 6, 2018. She was 97 (give or take, since records are not that reliable).  

My Mom took it unbelievably hard.  She was by Yeye's side during her final days, showering her with love & attention till the very end and mourning her very deeply when she finally passed. She expressed to me that I wouldn't know how monstrous the pain is until she passes, & I lose my Mom. Believe me, just the thought brings me pain because the love I feel for my Mom is beyond explanation as well.  Yeye was extremely loved by her daughter and I hope she knows and feels that love as she lives pain-free in the after life. 

Within the past few months, my Mom has been dealing with her own health problems, we suspect originated because she neglected herself during the stressful & difficult times of caring for Yeye. It seems as though she's also dealing with guilt & putting the blame on herself for not physically being there for Yeye at all times (since she had to return to the States). As she begins the slow progress of healing & taking care of her own health, I wish my Mom peace & accepting that Yeye is at peace as well, pain-free & lovingly watching over her. I'm so thankful for my faith because it allows me a place to turn for guidance & my own comfort.  I'm praying for you, Yeye (as well as for my grandfather, Wowo) to act as our intercessors & give my Mom strength & continued path to full good health.

And in that overall theme, I wish love, light & peace out into the world especially those struggling with grief. 

An End to a "Friendship" Long Overdo

The older I get, the more I realize that experiences are often shared.  When I'm going through something, I think, could this really be happening? Would others relate? More often than not, the answer is yes. So, today I'm focusing on that one "friendship" that just doesn't make sense because it's two energies that are just not compatible. But for some reason, it endures the test of time because of life circumstances.  And then finally, it just has to end--for the peace of one or both parties. I experienced that full circle moment this week.  And I can honestly say, it's an end that definitely has a new beginning for me.
     It all began so many years ago.  Becoming friends with someone because our kids went to the same school, fighting the same fight, supporting our kids in extracurricular activities.  I've always considered myself a positive person--someone who seeks out the bright lights, the person who understands the concept of going high instead of hitting low.  Throughout the years, this person was the opposite of these qualities.  She always had a conflict with someone, a criticism of one person or another, a wrong that was done to her or her family etc. etc.  And as a supportive friend, I always listened. Always wanted to see the positive.  And there often were! We had some great times, fun conversations, but also frustrating moments. There were many times I would share my frustrations with members of my immediate family. And I have to say, it was difficult not to get negative about it which is something that I never want to cultivate. I've seen her lose so many people over the years, but each situation was never her fault. She was always wronged.
     As I'm getting older, raising & watching my sons grow closer to adulthood, I want them to seek out people in their life that will make them better people. In looking back, I often felt so many moments of negative surging rising within me in her presence.  Even the way she spoke about members of her family would either make me cringe due to the excessive boasting or hurt for the angry words towards an elderly relative. She has maligned other students--children--for the sake of her ego--even saying hateful words about people with special needs.  Hurtful things I never stood by, but also never called her out on--to keep the peace.  She has a kind side, a generous side, a compassionate side that can make a person lower their guard, but if you somehow get on her bad side (whatever her criteria of that is), she can poison you with her words.  Many have been on the receiving end of these attacks.
     Another friend of ours sent me an article on narcissism, and it was so spot-on with her personality. It made me realize that I can't control others, but I can control my reactions to someone & also who I decide to invite into my presence. After so many years of being surrounded by her drama, witnessing her hurt others & somehow make it seem as though her & her loved one are/were victims, she sent me a nasty text ending our friendship because I decided to remain friends with someone who she has vilified and who she insists has made her & her loved one a victim--forever it seems.  I refuse to be a part of that circle.  I accept her spurning our "friendship" as Divine intervention and what is meant to be for my life.  I release myself from the swirling of anger and hate.

 

I don't want to harbor resentment. I don't have room for that in my life.  And I don't know if she'll malign me with others or post hateful passive-aggressive messages on her Social Media, which she is well-known to do--but I'm going to choose to let it all go--to let a "friendship" go that needed to end.  And although she claims she has no use for my good wishes, I still offer it up. Because I want happy people on this earth--there's too much hate and anger already. 

   And moving forward, I will continue to be choosy about my friendships.  Just as it exists in my immediate circle, I want to be surrounded by positive & kind people.